Hawkes Bay Monster Hunters

All creatures great and small

Carlos’ journal 7

I don’t have any experience in this. How the hell do you sort out people in a room full of them and work out the one person you’re looking for when all you’ve got to go on is that they are male and you know they are here because they have been smelt by another werewolf?

I headed towards the door to watch for anybody shady, but most of the guys in the club were looking to score, and therefore were looking shady as hell, including the guys I had with me.

Luckily, Arlo, Max and Jazz seem to know what they’re doing and starting sizing people up and talking to them. A fair chunk of time whizzes by and I hadn’t seen anything useful. Apparently, Kilo and Ten had turned up by this point and were casing the joint from the outside.

It’s getting close to closing time and a couple go outside. The chick matches the description of the previous victims, and nobody else seems to be able to tell me if this guy is safe or not, so I nip out quickly and follow…


They disappear into an alleyway. I sneak up and peak round the corner, ready to call the others while charging at the guy if he’s trying to kill her.

Yeah…he wasn’t trying to kill her. A quick f*ck in a dark alleyway was apparently the order of the day. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.

Nothing else comes of the night, other than Max picking up a p*ssy-eyed mate in his forties wanting him to keep drinking with him back at his motel. Little odd a guy that age in the bar, but Max seems to think he’s harmless enough, so he heads out with the dude.

We catch up later and he’s had a few too many and the other guy is a drunken waste of time.

The next day we spend planning. Didn’t have much of an idea until something slips into my mind, almost subliminally. We arrange with Jeff to borrow his son for a few nights, kinda high-jack the bar owner a little bit and arrange to act as the bouncers and get him a warrant for his paperwork.

So the plan is simple. Kilo and Ten outside watching. Me on the door outside. Matt (the Partington boy) on the door inside (so that anybody that might notice a werewolf by smell has to get REAL close before they notice and then look really obvious as they leave). Jazz and Arlo floating round inside. Max on the security system.

Max and Jazz spent a chunk of the day fixing the security system. It was receiving images from the cameras but not saving them. Dunno if they fixed them actually.

The night was proving uneventful until about midnight. One decent sized dude wanders up to the door, stops, looks a little quizzically around and then buggers off. Matt pops out and lets me know that he has never smelt that guy before, so he’s a new werewolf in town. The standard protocol is to introduce yourself to the established pack if you know one is there, and nobody has done that recently.

I send Kilo and Ten off to follow the guy, but since we’re not sure if he’s who we’re after, I let Ten decide if it’s worth actually having a conversation with the guy if that opportunity comes up.

With those two gone, Arlo nips outside to keep watch while Jazz and Max maintain their current roles.

It’s pretty quiet for a few minutes and then the phone goes. Sh*t has gone south and in a big way. I rushed over to Arlo and got him to race off after Ten and Kilo.

It wasn’t long before I got another phone call…

…It was hard to make out some of the conversation due to the heavy panting and woo-hooing going on, but the gist of it was that the guy was definitely a werewolf, he’d fled instead of talking, leaped onto the top of the vehicle and started tearing the top off. All the while, Kilo was trying to buck him off or run him over and Ten was filling him with bullets.

The altercation (a loosely used term here) finished with a body in the street, so I got the lads to load the body in the car and head out to the Partington ranch just in case he wasn’t dead and needed to be stored somewhere safe.

While we kept watch at the nightclub for the rest of the night, it sounds like sh*t went bad at the Partingtons as well. Luckily, Jeff still thinks I’m alright and I’ll keep trying to build this relationship. That family must know a ton of stuff that might come in handy, at the very least about their own kind.

The guy Ten, Kilo and Arlo dropped off was pronounced dead by Jeff Partington and a couple things were found. He was actually part of another pack and was sent to find the mutt. He had a photo of the mutt as well.

Max’s bloody mate from last night! At least we knew where he was staying, so we rushed off to find him, hopefully drunk as f*ck, in his motel room. Turns out the kid at the desk hadn’t seen him since the day before, but his room was paid up for the week.

I wonder if it might be worth getting Rufus to have a chat to Kilo about his information gathering technique. He flashed the FBI badge and then almost immediately followed that up with hundred dollar bill as payment for the information. Seems like an odd combination of information gathering skills for a fed.

Turns out the room is empty and there’s a note for Max in an envelope. Long and short of it? He knew Max was looking for him and congratulated him on being the first to get that close to him, and he left him a memento. It was a book full of all the gory details of his past exploits.

The b*stard had already skipped town. Not much left for us here. He’d be unlikely to come back, and if he did, the Partingtons have both his scent, and thanks to the photo, also know what he looks like.

Hopefully the government can run this photo we have, but in the mean time, we’re done here, mission a damned failure. Sh*t.

I will retire in Texas
Max tells it like it is

So there we were sitting in our club rooms when we get a phone call from the oh so lovely people of the corporation telling us we are to receive a mentor.
Needless to say I was a little apprehensive but it turned out this guy was alright.
He said lie to the corporation, this made me happy as I intended to lie a lot to them.
Now I’m not a god fearing man but our mentor is an angle . . Yep an angle so no surprises there.

We get a job in Texas involving the killing of 10 or so young lady’s all blond and it looks like its a solo werewolf. Fantastic my goal is in site . I’m very happy to take on this mission.

Now after a day or so of investigating I have decided to permanently live in this town because it is full of helpful nice caring people all willing to lend a hand or just talk and share information, love this town.

Now there is a family that owned a lot of land and generally keep to themselves so I tee up a meeting with them so see what they know. First visit not to eventful so we retire for the night.
I pray to our new God and ask for some help from our mentor, he turns up lays a hand on woodchuck and let’s him see that the pedersons – the family with all the land – had slipped up and said some information to us that they should not know .
Next day we go to see them again and they take lumber jack aside wile we have a cup of tea and scones with the rest of their family. Yep comes in after a bit and says time to leave . . . Ok cool.
On the car ride back axe wound tells us that they are werewolves, STOP TTHE CAR. I then preceded to the pedersons and plead for them to turn me into a werewolf to no avail. GRRRRR. That was a big mistake.

Call me Carlos...P.I.

Carlos’ journal 6

We’d had a couple of days rest at most when an email comes through from the Corporation. Apparently we’re screw ups and they need to send over some dude called Ward to learn us some stuff. It may actually be helpful, so I’m ok with it.

Door goes within seconds of getting the email and I grab it. Turns out it’s an older black dude. Called Rufus Ward.

“I’ve been told you’re expecting me.”

I let him in and we have a sit down and a chat. Turns out he’s not quite what we thought he’d be. He doesn’t seem to be some corporate stooge anyway. Well, not for the Corporation we work for anyway.

Calls himself a Hunter. Apparently that’s what we called ourselves before there was a Corporation around. His best advice? Toe the company line cos the money’s damn good, and they didn’t get paid at all before. Toe the line even if it means lying to the Corporation to get stuff done.

He may had let a small detail out as well. He was covering all sorts of supernaturals. Werewolves, vampires, fey (like goblins and faeries and sh*t), demons and even angels. We thought it was just because he was a Hunter that he knew all this stuff. Demons and Angels both have to take over someones body to be on earth. Demons take over with force, while Angels have to take a host that gives them permission. Either way, the host person is still in there with them, being worn like a meat suit. It’s weird.

And Ward’s an Angel. And Rufus Ward is the Hunter he’s wearing. I told you, it’s f*cking weird. And he’s met God tons of times. So if I had faith, there’d be no need anymore as we’ve just had proof it all exists. What the hell man?

Anyway, he proved it by healing all of us with a touch. Apparently when he does it, it’s not magic but divine something or other.

We get a job as well to check out some kind of serial killer. Somebody has been killing people in a small town in Texas, one victim a week, for the last ten weeks. From the description, Ward agrees with Jazz that it might be a werewolf.

We head out and meet with our local contact assigned to us. The local Sheriff fills us in and tells us that they haven’t given the press all the details. It turns out there is a little bit more to the story. One girl a week, always blonde, always late teens or early twenties, have been taken, and the only link that has come up is they might have known and gone to the same club, The Blue Oyster, with some regularity.

We made rounds through each of the victims sites and found something else out. They weren’t killed at that site. They were deposited there each time, and bar once, where there was a second body found, it was a new site each time.

The night led to the nightclub. It was a damn long night. I haven’t been out clubbing in literally years and it feels like it. The noise is too loud, the lights flashing like they want to give me an epileptic attack, and the drinks are stupidly expensive. At least the doormen are cool. I hung out there and had a chat. Flashed my fake FBI badge and they were more than happy to have a talk. They didn’t know any more than I had already found out, but they did mention that the rich folk, Partingtons or something like that had been hanging out over the last couple of months, where they hadn’t before.

The group split up to gather more information. Max and I headed out to the rich folks ranch while Jazz and Aldo went round to see the local merchants, police station again and even the hospital.

Doesn’t look like Jazz and Aldo got much, and neither, really, did Max and I.

Max has become oddly reserved over the last couple of weeks. initially, he was extremely talkative, engaged in almost every conversation, and now, he sits mostly quietly, observing. It’s a strange shift in attitude.

Regardless, we got the meeting because Max had the balls to ring up and get a meeting. We rolled up and was greeted by three people. We were led inside and offered coffee, which I gratefully took after only getting a couple hours sleep last night, and we worked through the basic questions and even got agreement to bring back the rest of the group to search round the land.

One thing stood out though. When we were talking about the killings, they were referred to as murders by the ranchers, and neither Max or I had mentioned that these were murders. Leaving them for the moment, we headed back to the motel and caught up with the others, and planned our trip back out to the ranch the next morning.

Got to the ranch nice and early, fully expecting a long, boring and arduous day of looking through scrub lands for traces of this killer, but not expecting to find anything. The old man, Jeff, called me aside.

“Agent? Come with me please. Can the others head inside for some coffee and then we can go.”

He said he had something to show me, so we headed towards a large barn. Going into the barn was weird because it looked bigger on the outside than the inside, like a retarded tardis. He also called me out on being an agent, so I called him out on saying murders the day before when all the coverage was about killings by animal attack.

So we were at a bit of an impasse. I studied him for a moment and had a gut feeling he was a decent bloke and clarified for him that I was actually a Hunter working as a consultant for the Government.

He seemed a little concerned, but appreciated the honesty I think. Which is when he showed me a hidden space in the barn. There were numerous large cages, enough to house his entire family, and they looked very strong . He said that is where he and his family stay, all of them, when they need to, rather than going out.

Jeff called this thing doing the killing a mutt. Same as Ward actually. I had given him a call on the car ride here the previous day. Something about a werewolf without a pack. Dangerous. And in this case, stupid, because it is easy to track in a small town. Most mutts live in the big cities and pick on societies undesirables like the homeless so they don’t get noticed.

Jeff said they had ensured the mutt wasn’t on their land and that his son and daughter were periodically going to The Blue Oyster to try and sniff the mutt out, but had little success so far.

I took him at his word that his land was fine. Apparently they were trying to find the mutt so they could put it down, which suited me, so I guess we kinda just ended up co-operating.

I called off the search of the property and we headed back to the motel, but I waited until we were off the property and traveling at a decent speed before I said anything, because Max has made no secret of his desire to become a werewolf, and I didn’t want him bothering this family, especially when our job wasn’t even finished. Apparently, that doesn’t matter to him. he took off the first chance he could get. Came back a little pissy though, so he obviously didn’t get his way.

A long day of waiting around doing nothing followed, and then we headed back to the club as it was our only real lead. The two kids were there, and later on in the night, the daughter wandered up to me and told me the mutt was in the building somewhere.

Looks like we just have to sift out our killer. At least we know it’s a dude. 50% of the club crossed off already…

Fuck the man
Max tells it like it is

Sitting in the back of the van feeling sorry for my self we do a u turn and end up beside this girl that on second glance looks a lot like the girl we are after and turns out she is … bonus.

I think about comparing mother and daughter but i’m not in the shape i would like and something about this state’s law getting in my way of doing so… bugger

Yep lays me down on the bed and starts to tend to my wounds such a nice guy with a gentle touch. It all gets a bit fuzzy then but a guy by the name of Ward walks in with three of my team and says he is Stacys father – i use the term lightly and wants to talk to me.

A small chat later and it turns out this guy is the so called skinwalker, but he’s not, he is actually a Druid that can shapechange. He walks over and says i need you guys to do a job and this is why you want me as a friend. He lays his hands on me and i’m totally healed , fair enough i say.

He wants us to take down this IRA gunrunner and his group of lackeys. Now we were hired as “Supernatural Hunters” but i herd the word “Gunrunner” and i was totally in.

Now lets recap – Shot, found girl, then a guy we never met is kind of a super tells us he is the father wants us to kill and IRA and we are meant to believe this with absolutely no proof at all what so ever. He tells us he has been watching “his daughter” all her life and she is now involved with this IRA scumbag.
Now if Ward has been watching “his daughter” all her life why did he not do something to stop this in the first place?
Anyway i herd Guns so meh to the rest.

Lots of shooting and a few axe wounds later we had the IRA scumbag. Now i know this was not a Super mission but i think we found some by chance about thirty seconds after we breached the building the FBI were at the door arresting us.
Now if that is nothing but super. Now here is my reasons why i say this

1. our nutter with the sword was parked up in the van a few streets away and saw them coming
2. no one was around to let the FBI know we were shooting them up, and if they had surveillance on the building that is still quite some response time since they were spotted by nutter in the van. They would have had to see us go in the door and then started to come get us immediately.
3. i want their vans/cars because they are so fast.

Back at the FBI headquarters we were yelled at for stuffing up their case on this IRA chap.
Then we were yelled at by our handler for not doing just supernatural work.
We told the handler this super is no threat but nooooooo we need to kill him or capture him and send him to a life in a holding cell for the rest of his life.
Hey Handler he is NO threat trust us we are here you are not.
No kill him or prison for life.
Why are we in your employment if our best judgement is not good enough for you?
Kill him or prison for life.
Fuck you i’m out.

Starting to wish I'd taken the blue pill

Carlos’ journal 5

First step…find somewhere to crash. Second step…get some medical supplies. Third step…figure out who the hell this skinwalker is and set up this meeting.

Step one is easy. Cheap and fairly scummy motels all along the drag, so we head towards the nearest one. Checking on Max and Arlo, and I spot something out of my peripheral vision.

“Holy sh*t!” That’s the girl we’re looking for!"

Yep, providence strikes at the weirdest times. Jasper pulls out a u-turn and slowly pulls up beside her. I’m winding the window down and Stacey is already waking towards us. Apparently having sex with six strange men in the back of a minivan for the whole night is $500. Luckily for her, we’re not actually planning on doing that, although Max looks more than a little interested, mumbling something about collecting the whole set.

We find a motel, grab a couple of rooms, with an adjoining door between them and I head to the pharmacy with Jazz (yeah, Jasper has a nickname apparently, and we’re supposed to use it) and grab a ton of really basic medical supplies and rush back to the motel and get to work looking after the lads wounds. Luckily I got a little more than basic first aid training. It’s damn near a must logging in the middle of nowhere.

Knock on the door and some dude is wanting to talk to our leader. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! He’s trying to tell me his name is Ward, but I tell him to sod off and talk to the guys next door. I got people with bullet wounds to look after.

Of course, it doesn’t take long before the internal door opens and Ward wanders in with Ten, Jazz and Kilo. The kid, Stacey, is asleep next door, and shock f*cking horror, she turns out to be Wards kid.

She’s a wash out and Crystal hasn’t been letting Ward anywhere near the kid, so he has bee keeping an eye on her. More than a little creepy sneaking round hiding in bushes watching teenage girls, but each to their own.

He’s what Stacey was writing about. He’s something called a druid. Loves nature and sh*t from the looks of it, and can turn into animals. Glad he didn’t feel the need to do that in the room to prove anything, but he DID put his nature lovin’ hands on both the wounded boys and they popped up, right as rain.

Magic. Dude…

Anyway, a favour was being asked of us, and Ward was using himself as payment. He was willing to be a contact for us and provide us with healing as and when he could. After seeing what he just did, that’s looking pretty handy. Catch was, those gangers we iced were part of a slightly bigger operation, being run by a creepy old Irish dude who had tried to do naughty stuff to Ward’s daughter.

We were to go in, sort that sh*t out, but leave the Irish guy for Ward. Now, there was nothing supernatural about this, and this isn’t our beef, so a wee vote was had to decide if we wanted to go ahead and do. Long story short, we did. For any number of reasons. Me? Well, Ward was a potentially very valuable source of information and leads, and there was the gun running f*cktards and their rapey boss getting their comeuppance to sweeten the pot.

We got some basic schematics of the building they were in and Ward assured us he could deal with the two gunners on the roof with no noise and then get us inside. From there, it was up to us.

A wee shopping trip to gather miscellaneous stuff like masks, tape, rope and the like took up a good chunk of the day and then it was time for some sleep.

Ten PM rolled around and Ward showed up right on time, ready to go. So go we did.

Ward took care of the guys on the roof as promised and then came and got us and let us in. No time for p*ssing round, Jazz burst through the door and opened fire, followed by Ten lobbing his mini cannons bullets at the poor sap in view. That f*cker never stood a chance and went down like a sack of sh*t.

I rushed over between two large shipping crates and could hear the sound of automatic gunfire and a few cries of pain. I bolted up the to the loading dock and opened the only door I could see. It turned out to be an empty office. With automatic gunfire still going off, I lobbed a couple of flares up the stairs to buy us a few seconds as Jazz caught my idea and yelled.

“Grenades incoming!”

I shot up the stairs and almost immediately got crowded by the rest of the boys as we crammed in the doorway. Jazz started getting all MMA on the nearest guy and more bullets were unloaded in both directions, causing Ten to retreat back to the exit.

I followed up one of the gunmen and had a swing with the new axe. Missed! And the miss cost me big time. The guy stepped back and unloaded a couple of bullets. One in the shoulder and another through the leg. F*ck that hurts. Looking forward to getting the ballistics shield and riot armour, that’s for sure.

With no easy retreat, I rushed the guy and swung the axe, connecting around the clavicle. Turns out this is totally worth the five grand price tag. It cleaved the bastard in twain like a hot knife through butter.

Two guys left, one currently having a violent cuddling session with Jazz and the other trading shots with Max and Arlo. Since he was in reach of a mad charge, I obliged. One swing later and the result was the same as the other guy. Leaves a hell of a mess.

In between swings, Kilo had buzzed through on the coms.


The sirens sounded right outside the warehouse, so escape was going to prove a difficult option. Somebody pointed pedophile Irish Mike would be worth a bounty, so Max and Arlo shot the lock out of the remaining door upstairs and pushed through. I strode past…limped really and collared the old guy and we started marching him out to claim our bounty.

“Freeze! FBI!”

Let’s just say that things went badly for us at this point. Escorted to a holding facility, we were interrogated, held for days, abused for ruining a federal operation and given a job by the Company to hunt down the very man that was due to become our new contact, Ward.

I dunno if Monster Hunter is a viable occupation, but I’m sure as hell paying taxes and I ain’t voting for these pricks next election.

Gave Ward a heads up that we are now “hunting” him and we called it a day and crawled back to the base. A messy end to a hell of a blog. Stacey had better turn out ok, that’s all I’m gonna say about it.

Six months in a leaky boat/minivan

Carlos’ journal 4

Jasper found us a case. Apparently cases turn up when you go specifically trawling through crackpot sites. I thought he was looking up Hentai…

Anyway, some chick a few years back started seeing some sort of hairless beast that shes taken to calling a skinwalker. She’s seen it several times since, so we figure until the government can come up with something else that we need to do, we might as well chase up this. Who knows, we might get paid out of this somehow.

A quick stop to a local gun merchant proved more interesting than it probably should have, but I got a sweet-ass axe out of it, even if Kilo DID nearly get shot for talking back to the shop keep. Not really sure what they had to argue about though. I got an axe, he got money…now I just need him to find me that ballistics shield.

We had a new guy turn up, courtesy of the government. Calls himself Tennessee. I think he and Max are gonna get along just fine since they seem to talk about nothing but pistols and sh*t.

It was a long trip, four days to be precise to the town where Jasper found our lead. The minivan smells something funky, and I’m glad to be getting out of it. Be good to find a shower and bed, in that order.

Found a bar instead. Had some drinks, listened to the new guy talk the ear off the barkeeper, got a destination after the bottle of whiskey is drunk and heading to a strip club. Now this is turning out to be the sort of mission I can get used to!

Gotta wait ages to get in. Apparently, 3pm isn’t the best time for strip clubs to be open. Worth the wait though. As soon as we’re in, I find a hot chick draped over my lap and while the others are staring round in something resembling horror, I get me a sweet, private dance. Well, partially private. Max keeps popping his head through and getting yelled at by the bouncers.

Just as I get back to the group, Max finds another chick. She’s smoking hot. Called Crystal or somfin. He’s gone for a bit, but we get a hell of a dodgy picture of this chicks face down in Max’s nads region. Apparently we’re gonna need to know what this chick looks like cos she’s the Mom of the girl we’re after, and they look a fair bit alike.

A got ourselves a general direction downtown to the industrial district and we see some young gang punks loafing around. The minivan is pulled up Max hops out, flashes some street cred round (read into that…dollar, dollar bills) and gets a little bit of info, but a whole lot more attitude. The street cred turns into a pistol to the face and the one remaining ganger gives us a rough address while his mates ditch him and bolt.

Of course, it descends into a f*cking firefight. At least with monsters, we KNOW they need killing. These street thugs seem to have got in the wrong place at the wrong time, but Kilo, Arlo and Max get a few rounds pumped into them, but plenty of bullets go the other way, along with Kilo’s sword (mad bastard) make fairly short work of the little pricks. They seemed like pretty good shots though.

And apparently our actual target was there as well, but I went charging out of the van to find it and never saw the bloody thing. We barreled into the vehicle and shot the gap, hoping no local police came running at the sound of copious amounts of gunfire.

On our way to a tentative destination, we spotted a highly defended building with guards on top, surrounded by sandbags and carrying fairly heavy weaponry. Weird.

We pulled over to stop and somehow there was a postit note on the windscreen that we hadn’t noticed.

“Things aren’t as they seem. I’m not your enemy.”

Gotta be that creature. With several of us sporting bullet wounds, we needed to hole up for a couple of days, so I stuck a note on the back of the postit asking for a meeting. Can’t hurt eh?

Some people are not what they seem
Max tells it like it is

So on to mission 2 from the Amish mission ( it hurt a lot that mission )

We have records of this girl whom everytine she makes a sandwich a huge dog like creature with no hair appears.

All though the start of this mission eludes me I do know we have picked up a gunslinger by the name of some state. He after watching him work impresses me with his skill with his two hand cannons.

After getting the lay of the land we decide to go visit the mother of this girl that sees dogs.
It leads us to a strip club and as it turns out is the cesspool of strip clubs.
The lady’s if i can call them that are something I would rather forget sooner than later.

I find “Crystal” and have a rather good and bad meeting with her in one of the side rooms. Let’s just say it’s hard to extract information from them when they 1 – don’t give a shit at all about their daughter and 2 – they have their mouth full at the time.
I did get out of her that the daughter is the general direction of her pointed waving hand and allso looks Like an older version of herself. This was some sort off good news we know what she looks like.

So off we went in the direction of the vague pointed hand.
We came across some so called gang bangers.
This being my specialty I offered cash for information to the gang banger , he looked disinterest, this should have been my first clue. So I offered more cash and was meet with “fuck off” .

in my short life so far i have found that there are two types of people in this world 1 – when money is offered they take it and 2 – if money does not work intimidation should work.
So out came the gun.
Again I was wrong there are 3 types of people some where cash does not work , intimidation does not work , they it turns out are people you should fear.

After a lot of shooting and slashing they were dead and I was terribly vexed and sore again.

Looks like the dog creature was following us most of the night and can only communicate via post it stamps and it wants to talk.

And after a short phone call and a small drive I think we have found the gang banger / black ops headquarters. but we are in no shape to go have a “Talk”

My Normal Life Part 1
In which the Amish have issues

Mission Ratings:
Craziness – 6/10
Number of Dead People Who Talked To Me – 2 (Do Zombie groans count too)

So we had our first proper mission finally. It involved checking out some strange goings on at an Amish village.

The Amish themselves were reasonably welcoming, once we shed ourselves of the sin of technology. At least they let us keep our phones, as long as we didn’t use them in front of them. I dunno, maybe they’re worried my phone will steal their soul (pretty sure it already has mine.) There was a shindig of sorts, and I somehow ended up at the kids table. For some reason this feels like it was AGES ago.

The Amish mentioned something about missing children, and suggested we go investigate an abandoned village where creepy stuff happens and it’s misty all the time. We, of course, did the smart thing, and immediately went home. Except, we didn’t. Instead we went off to investigate cause we’re so brave and stuff.

Not sure how brave we were feeling when we were trapped in a small house, in the middle of the night, surrounded by zombies. Or when creepy little girls were asking us to come out and play. On the bright side, everyone else heard the little girls this time, so it wasn’t just me.

Once the sun was up, and we were feeling a little braver, we set forth to investigate the town. It was your typical haunted abandoned village with minor zombie infestation, so nothing much to see really. Empty schoolhouse. Empty boathouse. Empty playground (it was totally broken before we touche it, I swear.)

That was, until one of the Amish villages started taking put shots at us with a rifle. Turns out the little girls we’d been hearing were his daughters, who had somehow been turned into crazy little bitch-vampires. We’ll never know if they had some “vampire” influence over him, or if he was just him being crazy overprotective, because he didn’t survive his fight with us.

Most importantly though, while he was putting bullets into my colleagues, who were busy fighting off zombies (and losing a long protected fight with a door,) I was being awesome. I totally scaled the side of the mill, leaped in through the window and stopped his sniping with one well placed punch.

And no one saw it.

After that things get a little hazy. Apparently one of his daughters put a mind-whammy on me, and when I cleared my head the rest of the team had fought there way in, killing the Amish man and both his daughters.

Hopefully our next mission is warmer, with less slimy zombies and mind-controlling pre-teens. I’d go for a mission with some hot damsels that need saving. Just so happens I’ve found a report about weird things going on at a sorority. Sounds like a case, what could possible go wrong?

Beginning to REALLY hate Amish
Carlos' journal 3

Carlos’ journal 3


More zombie things from out of the mist. Jasper and I do the only sensible thing and attack. No point in wandering round aimlessly hoping to escape not knowing what’s out there. I go low with the axe and he goes high with a pig sticker.

The others join up pretty quickly since they followed our voices and the sounds of wet thudding.

Zombies smashed, forest quickly explored in the local area, we head back the way we came. There is a two story stone building that looks like the mill. The door is some seriously re-enforced sh*t, and since I can’t hear anything in there, we move on.

An abandoned school, to go with the rest of this abandoned, creepy place was the next port of call. Nothing much in there except a bird nest with some fancy named bird in there. Oh, and another creepy doll. The Amish have GOT to get better toys. How do their kids not wake up screaming each night is beyond me.

Heading back down the path towards the mill and we hear a gunshot. In Amish lands!


I hit the dirt real quick like while two of the others scattered to either side. I bolt towards the mill door with max right behind me. Crashing into the door with my axe, i barely made a dent in the thing. I feverishly hacked at the door while I’m getting yelled at. Because THAT always makes cr*p happen faster!

Things start to blur a little. More zombies are coming, a horse arrives, our remaining team mate turns up with a duffel bag with our guns in it and Jasper disappears into a small window on the top floor where there had been a gun sticking out.

The door finally cracks enough to allow me to stick my arm through and open the latch on the other side. Booting the door open, I yell for everybody to get inside, although apparently those childlike voices asking us to come and play were very happy I’d opened the door as it seemed like I’d found where they were coming from.

The zombies were proving a distraction, but Max proved just as handy with a bow and the last of them fell and we all scarpered into the mill, only to come face to face with a little girl staring at one of our team members as he dropped his sword (yep, we apparently have a bloody samurai, and what’s worse, he’s damn good at swinging that sword, and it was proving that maybe I’d get some tutoring since bladed weapons seemed to work really well).

Clearly that little girl was part of the issue here, so after she scuttled round biting people and talking in a creepy, but charismatic voice, she had to be put down. She was so damn FAST!

I ended up cutting her head off cos I couldn’t be sure she’d stay put otherwise. When that happened, there was a loud scream from up top, so I followed the others as they ran up the stairs.

Jasper was down, and a man holding a gun was looming over him. Not just any man though. This was the Amish Elder! And there was another child as well, looking p*ssed and fangs protruding and all.

They actually didn’t last long, but we did gang up on them and got plenty violent. It seems to be the best course of action.

A long story short, we returned to the village, gave them the bad news, reported the mission to the government and got a bit of a payday. It was time for a chunk of relaxation since a couple of the boys had some fairly nasty wounds to heal.

The man that said yep

So there we were sourounded by zombie things in the middle of nowhere.

 The ax whelding guy that has a vocabulary of 1 word opened the door inviting in one of these zombies. I stood there with my caveman bow and arrow ready to put another end to this undead creature. It walked on in and was meet with an ax to the body , it looked at yep man and began bashing him to the ground so we closed the door and hoped for the best.

It was at this point the yep man found his voice though I wish he had not. For the next 6 hours all we herd was I nearly died, it hurt so much, bla bla bla. 

The next morning the undead had gone and it was very misty outside so I went for a stroll outside quickly followed by the now not so single worded lumberjack. We split up and are hearing (play with us) I have said to the voices yes I will play but have yet to be given a game to play.




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